Motherhood. Ro.man.ti.cized. [19-&-Counting-Style.]

I feel that the most common romanticized role surrounding me – is motherhood. Being a female is linked to marriage and motherhood in our society – family, media, and school support this role -- and place motherhood as a step into womanhood, if you will. Mothering is an instinct, we say. Mothers influence the future, create civilizations, instigate health and well being long beyond their time. Woman hit a certain point of their life where they -- yearn for children, want to nurture, help grow – and we all blindly assume these skills and instincts and answers come naturally when the baby is born.

Bull.

Motherhood, contrary to the calm, loving, quiet television commercials or the loving embraces on the diaper package – is tough stuff. For the most part women are ill-prepared and nervous for this role. And late nights, no sleep, constant dependency, post-partum depression, weight-gain, and lack of personal time all come with the gig too. But we, as a society, never focus on these aspects of the motherhood vocation.

http://tlc.discovery.com/videos/19-kids-and-counting-a-big-duggar-announcement.html

Take TLC’s 19 and Counting television mother, for example. Here is the clip in which the couple announced the arrival of their 20^th child. [20. Honestly!?!] They tell of their excitement. Their blessings and love for each and every child. They are all smiles. All giggles. They are surrounded by child-like toys and nick-nacks and everything is orderly and quiet.

She gives a plug to other moms – to try recipes found on their blog and to check out adventures they have done as a family. Normal women can hardly balance their schedules -- how does she have the time?! She seems ever-faithful. Ever-happy. Ever-loving. She is done up. Never flustered. Never tired. Or frustrated. Overwhelmed. Focused on finances. Scared. Questioning. All common emotions among mothers. Normal, real-life mothers.

Mothers – young and old - look to the mother on ‘The Duggars’ as an example of how moms and women of the home - should act. They mimic what she says, tries to cook her same meals – and always strive for that perfection she seems to have accomplished. [That womanhood she has apparently mastered through birthing 20 babies.] But they don’t see the help she gets. They don’t see the behind the scenes fights that MUST take place. They don’t see the bad, tough times. They don’t and won’t ever see a paycheck or promotion nearly as big. And yet – as a mom – they compare themselves to her. And fail every time. Then they feel remorseful, jealous, depressed, and confused.

They face the reality of motherhood. Its hard-core demands. Yes, I know it is a great, beautiful thing. And yes I’m sure this Duggar woman is a great, wonderful woman. But that doesn’t mean motherhood is ONLY flowers and butterflies and lovely 24 hours a day.

It is tough. And that - for the most part – is never the message we young women - truly see.