Dating and Pot

Howard Becker stated that using pot is a “social construction”, because the source of the behavior is a “result of a sequence of social experiences during which the person acquires a conception… of the behavior.” I posit that the action of dating, especially in the United States, functions in the same fashion. This is illustrated by examining just how much of our time and resources are dedicated to “dating help”. A simple google search of “dating tips” yields 11 different websites offering tips for men, women, and both (as well as related searches of “flirting tips”, “date ideas” and “relationship tips”). Clearly, this behavior is not innate to humans.

We can delve deeper into this by comparing how the experience is learned. Becker described that the novices in smoking “do not ordinarily get high the first time” because “the drug is not smoked ‘properly’” and that “without the use of some techniques, the drug will produce no effects.” He then states that typically that novice will seek out a more experienced smoker in order to gain some techniques and put the effects of smoking into perspective. The same is true with individuals and dating. Because dating is not innate, the novice generally has some anxiety about the prospect of going on a first date or even asking someone on a date, and so the nerves get the better of them and the first time is a “failure” (I am sure we can all relate to this experience). Thus, that novice seeks out the advice of a more experienced dater (I used my brother and older friends), to again, not unlike the smoker, gain techniques on how to be more successful in the future. After advice is given, this person generally will function as a “coach” to the novice to help them through the dating process. However, just like any social construction there are inter-textualities that come about from the behavior. Here I will focus on two of them.

First, there is the person who becomes extremely experienced in the practice of dating, the “player” as we commonly refer to them (for smoking it would be the “stoner”). This person has taken the advice of their coach to the next level and never seems to have any problem landing a date or being in a relationship. In mass media, this person is typically portrayed as a clean-cut individual, so much so that they are almost douchey.

Then there is the person who has had failed experiences in the practice, the “old-maid” (for smoking, I would classify this person as the “prude”). This individual has never been able to find success in the behavior. Every time they attempt a date, it goes poorly and their quests to find advice are nonexistent. I have seen this role portrayed as a frumpy, bitter, sexless woman, in movies, television, and musicals. Hell, in the musical The Music Man, there is an entire scene/ song geared towards “Madam Librarian” where the traveling con-man main character Harold Hill tries to woo her, but fails because she is too wrapped up in her textual world to experience real life (this a paraphrase from her mother later on in the show).

It is interesting to consider how these social constructions are formed within cultures especially when they initially seem as normal as dating or smoking pot.