I was raised in a Caucasian community in a mainstream American upbringing. My mother married my stepfather in 2008—his mother is 100% Korean. My step grandmother and grandfather (who I just refer to as my grandmother and grandfather) met during the Korean War. After the war, he went back to Korea, found her, she moved to the United States, they got married and had children. Her younger brother later moved to the United States as well with his wife and young children.
Although I have only known my grandmother for a short period of time, and I can count the number of times I have seen her brother on one hand, I have noticed and heard major differences between the two of them. My grandmother still carries and follows certain aspects of the Korean culture, yet she has also become very much ‘Americanized’. She is a devout Catholic, is fairly good at speaking English (but understands very well), and she raised her children in a traditional American way. She allowed her children to marry whomever they wished. On the other hand, her brother married a Korean woman, has not purposely tried to learn the English language and very strongly holds onto his Korean culture. Contrary to my grandmother, he expects his children to marry a Korean man or woman that shares their same, strongly practiced values. His daughter Seon-Mi (pronounced ‘sun-me’) is in her upper 30’s. She dated a white, American man for many years. He asked her father for his permission to marry her multiple times but was denied each time since he was not Korean and did have the same cultural values. They finally ended their multi-year relationship. Since Seon-Mi was raised in the United States, she is not nearly as traditional as her parents. However, she does not want to disobey her father’s word or offend him and his beliefs. I know that my grandmother does not agree with the whole ordeal but she cannot change his values and beliefs.
It is heartbreaking to know that she will most likely never marry unless she goes against her father’s word. Although Seon-Mi is more similar to my grandmother, and does not necessary agree with her father’s word, she still has the respect towards her father (and her mother) that not many American children have for theirs. I can’t imagine being raised in the United States with a strict, non-American upbringing. My grandmother was NEVER forced to practice American culture practices. Although I have never personally asked her, I know that she decided to follow the more American way of life because she was passionate and believed that that was best for her and her family. My stepfather and his siblings are just like any other American raised children. My grandmother’s brother however is the complete opposite. Although I do not completely agree with his views, I understand and respect his decisions and values. He did not move to the United States until he was older, married, and had children. I do not know exactly why I think this, but I think that men are more likely to hold onto their values and stay firm in their beliefs and their cultures. Men in most other cultures are authoritative over women. I think that it is hard for him to abandon the Korean culture and live a more American lifestyle, especially since the Korean culture has many strict aspects. The cross-culture between American culture and Korean culture is very different. Although I do not believe his decision of authoritative marriage, I respect his beliefs and his traditional Korean culture and try to understand his way of life.
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